BlueEyesSkater's...Life!

My heart races.. as I recieve every message… it just makes me miss you even more!  :///

The second that song came on …its like I was there.. again.. like I was in his room and he was singing to me …. feeling like he cared…. that was untill that happened…

Once that feeling set in I couldn’t breathe I got up and walked away ..I couldn’t let my babe see me like …I thought I was there I thought like that was the present… then my bestie helped me realized that…that  was only a memory… not the present that I was safe and far away from him that he wouldn’t get to me….

Idk why that came over me the way it did …. but dam…I never want to feel like that again… I was terrified…I didn’t feel safe…that is untill I was in my babes arms …without my other half idk what I would do with myself…

Being 18 now…and just wondering what it would have been like to have lived with you in my life. Its sad to kno that I never had that chance to actually meet you. Its also sad I never knew about u till I was 14…

Even though I’ve never meet you … I can say I miss and love you with all my  heart!

Rip. Samantha Anne MacPherson…. July 16- 29, 1993

Coming out of my shell and trying to explain me is soo difficult. I never thought just expressing how I felt was like pulling teeth… if only he new that he’s the only one that has ever been able to get this close to me……..


And well cool npw I feel like shit… I’m sorry …… I’m done trying I guess
It just seems the more I try… the more I hurt people… :’(

Y is it that my head never stops hurting it makes it hard to think…blah …..

FUCK everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im done! …….

giving up sounds like a great idea.

im out for night….

no phone no nothing

sorry to anyone that trys to text me

i cant right now im sorry……

why is my mind in this place

i have no idea where this is coming from

why do i feel this way 

of think this way 

im so lost… its like im falling and its never ending

yet one minute everything things perfect

yet i see that there is something in the back of ur mind

i dont know what it is but there is something

and ur thinking bout it 

i dont no if its nothing or if its something huge

i dont know if its bout something else 

or bout us….

i just dont know yet i dont know what to say or do

how do i bring it up…. 

or do i just leave it alone….

hmmmmm i guesss im just left to wonder….

Am i a fuck up.. am i messing up everything

idk….it feels like it…:’(   

what do i do

what do i say

how do i feel

so many questions yet no answers ……….. 

My thoughts at this moment in time……..

I hate the fact that he thinks he cares more….then he honestly doesnt understand how much he truly means to me. I mean ive fallin so hard for him .. i mean i can say I LOVE HIM!

it might be that he does more for me at this point.. but that’s cuz of my past…ive been hurt so bad by that one person.. that now im stuck in this hole…this dark place.. where its like my mind is saying, ” watch…. everyone is goin to do that to you no matter who they are.. no matter how nice they are right now.. watch its goin to end the same way.”  I really dont want to think that way and ive been tryin my best to prove it to him and surprise him… but its so hard to ignore what my mind is saying.

I mean i love the fact everyone is all for us and how my parents are slowing approving….but its still there.. that thought.. that little voice that is making my life so much harder.

I can tell how its tearing him apart and how he gives me his all…. and its like im tryin my hardest to be with him and how i love him.. but my mind is somewhere else… what i can say thou is that my heart is all his… hes  the only thing besides a few people that has made me this happy and when im with him im stress free.

I dont know if its that fact… of being in a serious relationship or what. but with everything from my family, work, and school… its so much to handle that at some moments i do things for me and mess things up with him. I dont want to lose him. that would kill me .. it truly would. i just wish things would disappear from my mind so i can live my life in happiness. 

To him: 

Im sorry if it comes across that i dont care at times or everything u do for me means nothing.. because trust me.. i do care and everything you do for me means the world. Without you i dont know where i would be. i just want you to see that every time you talk about shooting yourself, someone else,or anything bad… it slowing kills me inside. even when ur joking.. it still hurts. Cuz just hearing u say it makes me think how life without u would be.. and i wouldnt be able to live. Im sorry im so horrible when it comes to talkin, since its always been, my words mean nothing so my state of mind is in a place where there is no point for me to talk. Ive slowly been trying to fix that.. and its hard, but im trying just for you. 

So what im saying is im sorry for anything that has hurt you cuz that’s the last thing i want to do. so hearing that im breaking ur heart, since im not putting my all into it .. kills me inside.. :’(

You mean the world to me and i cant lose you.. u mean to much to me. I just wish you could see how every time u say that i dont love u more makes me feel like u think i dont even love you because your the only guy ever, that i have felt this way about and its just hard for me to show it. 

why is it so hard for me to say this in person yet so easy to type…..ughhh :’( 

random!!!

hooks-and-needles:

heyheyitscarly:

A few things you should know about Jensen Ackles
When Jensen was in middle school, his friends found a catalogue ad he did for Superman pyjamas. They printed as many copies as they could and posted them up all around the school.
Jensen was one of the top nominees for the role of Captain America.
He was 2 years old when he got his first modelling gig.
Jensen was named the sexiest ghostbuster in People’s magazine
His first role was for television series Wishbone, a children’s program about a talking dog.
Jensen was suspended from preschool for kissing a girl on the lips.

Jensen and I have something in common. I got in trouble in Kindergarden for kissing boys. XD

hooks-and-needles:

heyheyitscarly:

A few things you should know about Jensen Ackles

  • When Jensen was in middle school, his friends found a catalogue ad he did for Superman pyjamas. They printed as many copies as they could and posted them up all around the school.
  • Jensen was one of the top nominees for the role of Captain America.
  • He was 2 years old when he got his first modelling gig.
  • Jensen was named the sexiest ghostbuster in People’s magazine
  • His first role was for television series Wishbonea children’s program about a talking dog.
  • Jensen was suspended from preschool for kissing a girl on the lips.

Jensen and I have something in common. I got in trouble in Kindergarden for kissing boys. XD





i can never NOT reblog this :)

omgomgomg

been staring at this for the last 5 mminutes

Love Miranda. Such fun! 😂

i can never NOT reblog this :)

omgomgomg

been staring at this for the last 5 mminutes

Love Miranda. Such fun! 😂

niick4:

omg hahaha aw

niick4:

omg hahaha aw

sod4-pop:

my boyfriend has this controller thingy :o

sod4-pop:

my boyfriend has this controller thingy :o